This is more for myself guys than for all of you out there. I know that.
You may speak English as well and you're able to read all of this - may with a really strong Italian accent, I got you - but that's not the point.
This is a test for me, a self note I'd say. It's all about me. It's always about me. You.
People think we do stuff, we say things, we think about or for them, but in the end of the day, do we? Do you? Do I?
I know for sure I don't dress up or use any make up for someone else. I know for sure I never care about what other people may think about me. I should. Should I? Should I be worried about what you think about me? Shall I really pay attention about your silly comments about me and the way I dress or the way I wear things or .. Really?
I don't. I can't. A life spent thinking about what other people think about us is not a life! If my life, my decisions are made because of others, well, what kind of life am I living? Who's living my life? This life belongs to me and I wanna live my life the way I want to, the way that makes me happy, the way that makes me feel me, alive, free.
Can we actually be free? Can we be so close to freedom to think we are actually free? Do we really actually want to be free? Do you? Do I?
I mean, think about that. Pretend for a day you can be free. What are you thinking about? Are you thinking about wake up at any time without an alarm? Are you thinking about stay in bed all day? Are you thinking about moving to another country? Are you thinking about do not go to work or go to work and say to your boss he's shit and makes you feel shit and you don't deserve it? What would you do to feel free? What could make you feel free? What are you thinking about if you can figure yourself free? Like properly free?
People always talk about freedom and the fact we're not free and this system makes us not free and bla bla bla and .., STOP!
We are free. You are free to do not set up an alarm. You are free to spend a whole day in bed. You are free, we all are. We just don't want to be. If you really wanted to be free, you were. You just don't want to. I am sure about it. Because sure thing is that we all are free, someone less than others but that's not your case. How do I know that? You are reading this. If you were not free, like some people may are, you were not able to read all of this. Or to copy and past and translate all of this and still being able to read all of this.
What people like you usually forget, is that we are free. Free to be yourself, free to wear what the fuck you want to. Free to love who you really want to love. Free to go wherever you want to be. We just don't really believe in us so strongly like we should. That's the problem, I guess. And I can't tell you what to do about it coz I'm not that one. And coz no one can actually tell you what makes you free or can make you a self lover! Because it took me nearly 29 years to understand I wanted to be free, to realise I was born free and I meant to stay free for the rest of the days I still have to live in this life. And I can't tell in words how hard the process to come back to me has been. I can't even tell myself if I'm actually back to me, but I'm working on it. I'm working on that little silly girl who believes in herself and her sweet dreams and she knows she can make her dreams her reality and no one can stop her.
No one can stop you. Us. There's no system so strong to manipulate the true you and let that part of you run away from who you are. But yes, this system can manipulate the way you think you are to run away from the real you. It's complicated and I'm not expecting you to learn from this diary anything and I'm not expecting you to understand what I am writing and what I mean. Because, I said that at the beginning, this is not for you. This is a self note. And that's all it meant to be.
#WeAreFree
Questo commento è stato eliminato dall'autore.
RispondiEliminaHi, Are you totally Italian?
RispondiEliminaIndeed. May I ask you why?
EliminaHi Ilaria, it's Lisa here, the same girl who has followed you on YouTue and on this blog sincr 2014! I reply in English even though I'm Italian 'cause the post is in English and I'm sorry if I make some mistakes. However,your post "La giovane Muller" had such a great impact on me since I felt exactly like you did last year, when I had to choose my path at uni. I ended up missing out one year, I was about to come down with depession, like, I was really close to it, I am not exaggerating. You're so right, we are free to do anything and this is the issue that has scared me the most. I felt paralyzed, I was not able to make a decision, I had so many options and really did not understand what excited me the most. Then, I managed to go through all of it by myself, but I want you to know you've always been a great support, actually. It may be silly, because we have never met each other,but I feel like your first years at uni were very similar to mine. I feel guilty and disappointed and crossed with myself because of missin out one year, but now it seems like I am finding my own path day by day. Thank you for being always here, furthermore I always share your thoughts.
RispondiEliminaQuesto commento è stato eliminato dall'autore.
EliminaHi Lisa,
EliminaThank you so much for reading this.
It's always my pleasure when it comes to you. Knowing you're always there, reading me, feeling me, understanding me deeply and feeling I do the same with you, it can only be a pleasure. So, once again, I'd like to thank you. For being here for me as well, mostly quiet but always awake and I am sure you get what I mean.
Nice to see you here, nice to have a comment from you even in English. I can definitely say we are on the same page.
I wish you all the best darling and I am sure this year is gonna be THE year. Just make it happens.
All the best,
yours I
Yes of course I got what you mean! I am delighted with the fact that you actually remember about me, it's a pleasure! Yes, I love English and I'm trying to improve it so it's cool for me to communicate with you in English. Moreover, it'd be awesome if you could write some more posts or record some videos in English, I bet it's a good way to keep up with English for me and for your other followers. Yes, I guess this is our year, we are going to stay positive and live it to the fullest.
RispondiEliminaI wish you all the best too!